William Wallace, and the Time Travelling Sperm.
The history contained within the multi award winning film, “Braveheart”, has been raising eyebrows ever since it first hit the cinema screens in 1995. Wallace, who we know very little about for sure, is portrayed as a humble peasant (despite the fact that he was obviously an educated man); Edward I a cold hearted tyrant, and Prince Edward as the worst kind of homosexual stereotype going. In all other regards, the film is little more than an orgy of violence and a bit of casual England bashing.
But, one of the most enduring myths created by this film relates to the young Princess, Isabella of France. While the hero of the film is being held prisoner by those dastardly, wily, Sassenachs; Isabella takes pity on him, and the pair develop a mutual affection for one another. One thing leads to another, and she ends up pregnant with Wallace’s child.
We’re well aware that the child is Wallace’s, because poor Isabella is married to the over-indulged, overtly homosexual Prince Edward (heir to Edward I’s throne), and he only has eyes for Piers Gaveston. The implication, therefore, is that the real father of Edward II’s eldest son, is none other than William Wallace; bane of the English, and avenger of the Scots. Oh, the irony.
But, sorry to all the Scots who savoured that little piece of revenge from beyond the grave. This is utterly impossible. Edward III’s father was most definitely Edward II. Here’s why: Isabella was roughly ten years old at the time of Wallace’s execution in 1305, and she did not arrive in England for the first time until two years later, in 1307.
So, among the anachronistic kilts, tartan, and weird blue face painting habits; we can now add time travelling sperm to the list of history fails contained within “Braveheart”. Finally, for those looking for further information on Edward II, Peirs Gaveston, and Isabella of France, here are two highly recommended blogs: